Busted

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

2 + 2

A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2 + 2?" The housewife replies: "Four!" The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time." The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

Chemist's Last Words

The last words of a chemist:
1. And now the tasting test.
2. May that become hot?
3. And now a little bit from this...
4. ... and please keep that test tube alone!
5. And now shake it a bit.
6. Why is there no label on this bottle?
7. In which glass was my mineral water?
8. The bunsen burner *is* out!
9. Why does that stuff burn with a green flame?!?
10. *H* stands for Nitrogen - and that does *not* burn...
11. Oh, now I have spilt something...
12. First the acid, then the water...
13. And now the detonating gas problem.
14. This is a completely save experimental setup.
15. Where did I put my gloves?
16. O no, wrong beaker...
17. The fire alarm is just being tested.
18. Now you can take the protection window away...
19. And now keep it constant at 24 degrees celsius, 25... 26... 27...
20. Peter can you please help me. Peter!?! Peeeeeteeeeer?!?!?!?
21. I feel it how long 15 seconds are!
22. Something is wrong here...
23. Where do all those holes in my kettle come from?
24. Trust me - I know what I am doing. 
25. And now a cigarette...