Little Johnny - Don't Ask

Little Johnny asked his mom about her age. "Johnny, gentlemen don't ask ladies that question" Johnny asks his mom about her weight. "Johnny, gentlemen also don't ask ladies about their weight" So Little Johnny asks, "Why did daddy leave you then?"
"Johnny lets not talk about that." She then sent Johnny to his room. On his way to his room he trips on his mom's purse and there he finds her drivers license.
He runs back to his mom and proudly says, "Mom! I know all about you now! You are 42 years old, weigh 172 pounds and the reason why daddy left you is because you got an 'F' in sex!"

Light Bulbs For Dinner

Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, "My dad's tougher than your dad!" "Oh yeah?" said Little Johnny, "My dad is so tough, he has light bulbs for dinner!" "Really?" "Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, 'Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!"

Ate Her First

Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. "No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to convince him further, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm." "No, she isn't," said Johnny. "Why not?" "Because I ate her first!"