Doctor I'm a Dog!

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doctor: Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
But I'm not allowed up on the couch!

Animal Psychologist

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?" The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night." The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?" The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!'' and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."

Dumb Montana Laws

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else
Dumb Montana Laws:

1. Seven or more indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them.
2. (Repealed) In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.
3. It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.
4. It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail.
5. It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.
6. Excelsior Springs - Balls may not be thrown within the city limits.
7. Helena - No item may be thrown across a street.
8. Salisbury - Pop bottles are not to be thrown on the ground.
9. Whitehall - It is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels.