Child Wisecracks

1. Teacher: How old were you on your last birthday?
Charlotte: Seven.
Teacher: How old will you be on your next birthday?
Charlotte: Nine.
Teacher: That's impossible.
Charlotte: No, it isn't, teacher. I'm eight today.

2. Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.
George: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: George!

3. Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
Willy: Me!

4. Teacher: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
Tommy: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

5. Teacher: Why are you late?
Webster: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Webster: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

6. Sylvia: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Sylvia: Your name on this report card.

7. Teacher: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
Sammy: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

8.Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Jose: Don't bite any.

9  Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I". Ellen: I is...
Teacher: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
Ellen: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

10. Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
Junior: You said it was my lunch money.

11. Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Class Comedian: Big hands!

Homework Dog

"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. "Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"
"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I covered it with peanut butter and he woofed it down."

Answer This Question

One day, a teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are on the beach?"
Needless to say, no one could answer. The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer.
Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.
The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"
Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"