Potty Training

A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet.  His mother thinks he's been in the bathroom too long, so she goes in to see what's up.  The little boy is sitting on the toilet looking at pictures in a book.  About every 15 seconds, he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on the top of his head with his right hand.  His mother is amused but can't figure out why he's doing it.  She asks, "Why are you hitting yourself on the head?"  The boy answered, "It works for ketchup."
 

Student Proverbs

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

• As you shall make your bed so shall you...mess it up.
• Better be safe than...punch a 5th grader.
• Strike while the...bug is close.
• It's always darkest before...daylight savings time.
• You can lead a horse to water but...how?
• Don't bite the hand that...looks dirty.
• A miss is as good as a...
• Mr. You can't teach an old dog new...math.
• If you lie down with the dogs, you'll...stink in the morning.
• The pen is mightier than the...pigs.
• An idle mind is...the best way to relax.
• Where there's smoke, there's...pollution.
• Happy is the bride who...gets all the presents.
• A penny saved is...not much.
• Two's company, three's...the musketeers.
• Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...you have to blow your nose.
• Children should be seen and not...spanked or grounded.
• When the blind leadeth the blind...get out of the way.

Little Johnny Wants to Know About Babies

Little Johnny comes home from school and asks mom, "Where do babies come from?" Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time she replies, "From the stork of course!" The little guy thinks for a few seconds and then asks, "But mom, who fucks the stork?"