Kids Speak Like Grownups

It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces to the class that they will learn to speak like grownups this year. To demonstrate, she asks the kids what they did this summer. The first child says, "I went on a choo-choo train ride." "No," the teacher says, "you went on a train ride." The second child says "I went on a tug-tug boat ride." "No," the teacher says, "you went on a boat ride." The third child says, full of pride, "I read a book." "Which one?" asks the teacher. "Winnie-the-Shit!"

After School Snack

Q: Why did the boy eat his homework?
A: Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Kidneys for Brains

The teacher asked her students if anyone knew the answer to 2+2, they had three tries or they would not get recess. The first kid said "Uh, 14?".  "No," the teacher said. The second kid said "3.8"?  "Not quite", the teacher said. Finally the third kid said "That's easy, 4".  "Yes, you all get recess now". On the playground, the kids asked how he knew the answer and he said, "It's all about the Kidneys!" as he pointed to his head.