Mommy's Little Helper

Little Susie was Mommy's helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Soon, everything was on, Mr. Smythe the guest came in, and everyone sat down. Then Mother noticed something was missing.... "Susie, dear," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smythe's place." "But, Mommy, I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susie. "Daddy says he always eats like a horse!"

Brushing The Child

If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair. If this doesn't work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.

Signs You Hired The Wrong Kid To Mow Your Lawn

Signs you hired the wrong kid to mow your lawn...

• He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag.
• On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen cats.
• Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher.
• Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his head.
• You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher.
• He's fascinated by the details of you home security system.
• Stops every couple of minutes to smoke some clippings.
• Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus.
• Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks.
• No toes.