Signs You Hired The Wrong Kid To Mow Your Lawn

Signs you hired the wrong kid to mow your lawn...

• He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag.
• On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen cats.
• Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher.
• Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his head.
• You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher.
• He's fascinated by the details of you home security system.
• Stops every couple of minutes to smoke some clippings.
• Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus.
• Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks.
• No toes.

Baby Teeth

Q:  What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A:  It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Little Girl at the Doctor

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"
The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"
Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Elmo in there?"
"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Elmo's on my underpants."