Spider Man

I asked my three year old grandson Malachi what his name was, he replied, "Spiderman." I said, "Malachi, what is your real name?" He replied, "Peter Parker."

Little Girl at the Doctor

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"
The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"
Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Elmo in there?"
"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Elmo's on my underpants."

Bras

"Dad, can I ask you something? You see, I'm already fourteen and...I think it's time that I should have one."--teenager to father
"And what is this 'one' you're referring to?"--father
"Could you buy me a set of brassieres?"
"No! Absolutely not!"
"My nipples show through my shirt though, and I'm plenty old enough."
"I said no way."
"But all of my friends wear…"
"Timmy! How many times do I need to tell you that bras are for girls!?"