Eating with Children

A guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss.  All during the sit-down dinner, the host's three-year-old girl stared at her father's boss sitting across from her.
The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.  The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him.
He tried his best to just ignore her but, finally it was too much for him.  He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response.
The little girl said, "My Daddy said you drink like a fish and I don't want to miss it!"

Little Hodakio

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodakio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said. " Very good! -- Who said,"Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth." Again no response except from Little Hodakio: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." "Excellent," said the teacher continuing, "Let's try one a bit more difficult -- Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country'?" Once again, Hodakio's was the only hand in the air and he said: "John F. Kennedy, 1961". The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Hodakio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "F_ _ k the Japs." "Who said that? -- I want to know right now," she angrily demanded. Little Hodakio put his hand up, "General MacArthur, 1945." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares around and asks, "All right! -- Now who said that?" Again Little Hodakio says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? -- Suck this!" Little Hodakio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit! -- If you say anything else -- I'll kill you!" Little Hodakio frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004". The teacher fainted.
As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're F-- ked!" Little Hodakio said quietly, "The American people, November 4, 2008, when Obama was elected".

Brushing The Child

If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair. If this doesn't work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.