Suarez the Cannibal

Q: Did you hear about Suarez the cannibal?
A: Relatively ordinary guy, has a house, a beautiful wife, loves to eat Italian.

Wearing Suspenders

Your sister's so anorexic she has to wear suspenders with her skinny jeans.

How did I get here?

A little girl asked her mother how she got here. Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied, “Once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it, and got so high that we fucked without a condom.”