Three Sons, Three Things

A man walks into the ice cream shop with his three sons.
"Josh will have vanilla, Jim will have chocolate, and Fathead will have strawberry." Then the man smacks Fathead across the head. The girl couldn't stand it. "Sir, I can't believe you treat your son like that.'' ''There are only three things in life a man needs to be happy," said the man. "A nice house, a beautiful wife and a nice tight pussy. Fathead here went and ruined that.''

Out Of Food Supplies

With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic. To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies. I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator. As a reminder, I wrote at the top: "IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT DOWN." When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message: "MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT 'OUT OF IT."'

A New Car

One day a mother and father were having sex and their son walked in. "What are you doing," the kid asked.
"Well, you wanted a brother, so we're making you one." The next day, the father walks outside and sees his son porking away on the family junker's tailpipe.
"Son... what the hell are you doing!!!"
And the son replied - "Mom said she wanted an new car, so I'm making her one!"