Razorback Hogs

Bill Clinton got off his helicopter in front of the White House with a baby pig under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said "Nice pigs, Sir!" The President replied  "These are not pigs. They are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea." The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, "Nice trade, Sir!"

Ugly

A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassing a young girl as she walked by the construction site. She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking. Annoyed the worker yelled "Well you're an ugly bitch anyway!" The girl turned around and replied "It must be terrible when even an ugly bitch won't give you the time of day?"

The Ballerina

This nasty, sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar.  She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"  The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"  The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down.  After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"  Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!"  After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?"  The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"