The Twelve Days of a Redneck Christmas

The Twelve Days of a Redneck Christmas
On my first day of Christmas... pa gave to me, Some parts to a Mustang GT. On my second day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 2 huntin dawg, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my third day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my forth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my fifth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my sixth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my seventh day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 7 packs of Red Man, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my eighth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 8 manly dancers, 7 packs of Red Man, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my ninth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 9 years probation, 8 manly dancers, 7 packs of Red Man, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my tenth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 1 Copenhagen, 9 years probation, 8 manly dancers, 7 packs of Red Man, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my eleventh day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 1 rasslin tickets, 1 Copenhagen, 9 years probation, 8 manly dancers, 7 packs of Red Man, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my twelfth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 1 pack of Bud, 1 rasslin tickets, 1 Copenhagen, 9 years probation, 8 table dancers, 7 packs of Red Man, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT.
 

Jodi's Purse

A drunk guy calls a radio station on Christmas day and asks for the DJ. He tells him that he found a purse outside the mall. It has $1500 in cash, a couple of credit cards, an iPhone 13 pro, and a driver's license with Jodi's name on it."
The DJ replied, "Wow, sort of a Christmas miracle. Do you need my help contacting her so that you can return the purse?"
"No. I just wanted to request a sad song for Jodi."

Two Elves

Two elves walk into Santa's office. Santa looks up and says, "Gary, Larry, how can I help you?" Gary and Larry look at each other, then turn to Santa.
"Santa", Gary says, "Are there any elf nuns in the workshop?" Santa checks a list and says, "No, I'm sorry but there are no elf nuns in the workshop."
Gary asks, "Well Santa, are there any elf nuns working any where in our factory?" Santa checks a list then says, "I'm sorry, but there are no elf nuns working in the factory."
Gary looks at Larry and asks, "Santa, are there any elf nuns in the North Pole at all?" Santa looks at his list for a few minutes and says, "I'm sorry Gary, but there aren't any elf nuns in the North Pole."
Larry finally busts out laughing and says, "Gary fucked a penguin, Gary fucked a penguin!