The Old Lady & the Cashier

A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl, "Nothing but the best for my little kitten."
The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.The next day, the old lady went to the store and bought 12 of the most expensive dog cookies - one for each day of Christmas. The cashier this time demanded proof that she had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat dog food. Frustrated, she went home, came back and brought in her dog. She was then given the dog cookies. The next day, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No - you might have a snake in there."
The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would bite her. So, the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and told the little old lady, "That smells like crap."
The little old lady grinned from ear to ear. "Now, my dear, can I please buy 3 rolls of toilet paper?"

Camping Blonde

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business. While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream. Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."

Bellybutton Blunder

Gumor said to Selma. "Selma can I put my finger in your bellybutton?" Selma said "No." Gumor asked her again "Selma can I put my finger in your bellybutton?" Selma said "No." Gumor asks her again "Selma can I put my finger in your bellybutton?" Selma says "OK." A minute later Selma says "Gumor that's not my bellybutton." Gumor says, ''Suprise, Suprise! That's not my finger either.''