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There were three elderly men sitting in wheelchairs on the porch one sunny afternoon. They were ten years apart in ages. One was 60, another 70 and the last 80 years old. The 60 year old, started complaining. He said "I wish I could just piss all at once and not dribble, dribble, dribble all day and night." The 70 year old then said, "I don't have that problem. I just wish I could take one good dump and not ooze, ooze, ooze all day and night. The 80 year old started laughing at the other two. He said, "I don't have any of those problems!" "At 7:00 a.m. I take a good piss, at 9:00 a.m. I take a good shit." My only problem is that I don't wake up until noon!"
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Gorilla Nostrils
Q: Why do gorillas have large nostrils?
A: Because they have fat fingers.
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Blame Duke
There once was a man who was going to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies. When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theater. When the movie was over, he went to the bathroom again, still with a tremendously long line. He figures he can wait until he drops her off. When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, ''Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them.'' He agrees, despite his situation. They go in and sit down at the table. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. The girl's father stands up and hollers ''Duke!!'' and sits back down. ''Great!'' he thought. ''They really think it's the dog!'' So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers. Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts ''Duke!!'' and sits back down. Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. ''Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!!''
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