Regulations

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him."‘I don't know," he said. "She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

Senior Accomplishments

There were three elderly men sitting in wheelchairs on the porch one sunny afternoon. They were ten years apart in ages. One was 60, another 70 and the last 80 years old. The 60 year old, started complaining. He said "I wish I could just piss all at once and not dribble, dribble, dribble all day and night." The 70 year old then said, "I don't have that problem. I just wish I could take one good dump and not ooze, ooze, ooze all day and night. The 80 year old started laughing at the other two. He said, "I don't have any of those problems!" "At 7:00 a.m. I take a good piss, at 9:00 a.m. I take a good shit." My only problem is that I don't wake up until noon!"

How to Cook Vegetables in the Microwave

Q: How do you cook vegetables in the microwave?
A: Take them out their wheelchair.