Three Breasted Hooker

There's this man who's taking a walk around the red light district until he passes a whorehouse with a blinking sign saying: "The Hooker With Three Breasts...". The man get's just a little interested and thinks "well... that could be a once in a life  time experience". So he goes in and walks up to the man behind the counter. "I'd like to see the hooker with the three breasts" he says. "Are you sure you can afford that... It'll cost you a thousand dollars" the pimp replies. But, the man is too exited, pull's his wallet and pays him the money. So, he's taken up three stairs to a little room in the back of the house and when he opens the room... there she is. The room is dark but as he comes closer he sees it... three breasts! And so the man absolutely has the night of his life. The next day the man walks past that same whore house and thinking of the night before and the time he had, he goes in and pays the pimp another thousand dollars. Again, he goes up three stairs to that little dark room in the back of the house. And as the day before, she lies there waiting. But, as he walks up to the hooker, he sees that something is wrong... "Hey! You had three breasts yesterday..." he says after which she smiles and says "What did you expect honey... you can only suck out a boil like that once!".

Terrorist Logic

When having a decapitation contest, remember, 2 heads are better than 1

A Guide to the Identification and Classification of North American Farts

Learning, or better still, thinking up names for fart types is a traditional early adolescent ritual. Similarly, methods of identifying the source of a fart are a subject of peer-group, or tribal, speculation, the usual rule of thumb being "Who smelled it, dealt it," or "The smeller's the feller."  Occasionally, this oral tradition has achieved the level of Xerox publication, but never before has a systematic analysis, along the lines of Jane's Fighting ships or A Field Guide to the Birds, been attempted in print. Tentatively, then, we present the following.
Blind Farts: Traditional noiseless reekers. (Expression since circa1880 - see also "SBD's").
Boomers: Full-throated, rousing explosions; the parent organism frequently betrays his or her authorship with a smile of ill-concealed pride.
Carpet Creepers: Heavier- than- air creations, these linger and permeate the atmosphere at or near ground level; source invariably anonymous, having left the room.
Fizzles: Efforts at first promising, but eventually unsatisfactory, at least to the donor; often effective upon bystanders. Often the last of a series; originator betrays disappointment.
Fudgies: See Wet Ones.
One-Cheek Sneaks: Attempted surreptitious contributions, usually signified my the the artist's "tilting". Ricocheting off metal "bridge chairs" or church pews, they posses satisfactory resonance, produce blushes, giggles, glares.
Poohs: Open-sphincter donations, gusty and full-bodied, but lacking sonority; popular on buses; customarily unacknowledged.
SBD's: (Silent But Deadly type). Consistent with the Law of Conservation of Energy, what SBD lacks in audible qualities is compensated for in a semi-lethal olfactory intensity. The mechanism responsible is usually the innocent-looking person glancing about suspiciously.
Screamers: High-pitched, tight-sphincter offerings, often of astonishing duration and tonal variations; most pleasurably exchanged among roommates or frat brothers, or inspired by presence of officious bureaucrat.
Sliders: See One-Cheek Sneaks.
Squeegies: Small, immature, and moist products. Humiliating for all concerned.
Wet Ones: (a.k.a Brewer's Farts, Fudgies, Playing Misty). Samples are accompanied by guttural, rasping, or lisping sound, indicating vaporous content. Originator registers astonishment, dread, then departs, walking funny.
Whiffers: see Poohs.