Golfers and the Genie

A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer. On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house. The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside and found a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp. The husband asks: "Did we break that too?" "Yes", replies the man. "Sorry. Do you live here?" the husband asks. "No, actually, I'm a genie." The man states. "I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it. Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp. OK, what'll they be?" The husband thinks a moment: "First, make my wife a better golfer." "Poof! She's a better golfer", the genie announces. "Second, I want a million bucks a week for life." "Poof! you get a million bucks a week", the genie announces. "Good. OK, what do you want?" asks the husband. "For my wish. I want to have my way with your pretty wife," grins the genie. "Hmmm", the husband hesitated, "I guess that's all right. After all, she broke your lamp, you've made us rich, and our golf games will be much more interesting. Go ahead. "So the genie and the wife retire the bedroom. After several steamy hours the "genie" says to the wife: "How long have you known your husband?" "Ten years," she replies. "How long has he believed in this genie stuff?"

Genie - Revival

Bill Clinton was driving past the White House when he accidentally ran over the Obama’s new puppy, Sunny, crushing it flat as a fritter.
He climbed out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught.  He knew Michele would go ballistic.
Then he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground.   He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out.
"You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the Genie "As a reward I shall grant you one wish."
"Well,"said Bill, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this damned dog."
They walk over to the splattered remains of Sunny.   "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" Bill asked.
The Genie looked at the remains and shook his head.  "This critter is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life.  Maybe there's something else you'd like?"
Bill thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. "I had an affair with this beautiful young girl called Monica," said Bill, showing the
genie the first photo. "But I’m actually married to this woman called Hillary" and he showed the genie the second photo. "You see Hillary isn't beautiful at all,
so do you think you can make her look like Monica?"
The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, "Damn, let's have another look at that dog!"

Hard of Hearing Genie

OK, so a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks "whats in the box?" The man says "I'll show ya' if you get me a beer." So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano. The little man starts playing the piano! Next the bar tender asks "hey! thats pretty cool, where did ya' get that?" The man says "I'll tell ya' if you get me another beer." So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says "I got it from a genie and a lamp." The bar tender says "If ya' let me barrow that genie and that lamp I'll give ya' another beer." The man says "Oh, Okay!" The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp. The bar tender rubs the lamp and the genie pops out! The genie says "Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?" The bar tender says "I wish for a million bucks!!!" And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room. "What the heck is this!!! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!!!" And the man says "Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist?"