Accounting Mistakes

An office worker opened his pay envelope to find his check was short $100. He called the accounting department to voice his complaint.
"You're right, we made a mistake," said the clerk, "but last week we overpaid you $100 and we didn't hear you complaining then."
"Look," said the man, "I can overlook one mistake. But two weeks in a row?"

Eat Now

Sign in restaurant window: "Eat now - Pay waiter."

Advice From Kids

1. "Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." - Rocky, age 9
2. "Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." - Stephanie, age 8
3. "Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." - Lamar, age 10
4. "Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes." - Carrol, age 9
5. "Never bug a pregnant mom." - Nicholas, age 11
6. "Don't ever be too full for dessert." - Kelly, age 10
7. "When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer him." - Heather, age 16
8. "Never tell your mom her diet's not working." - Michael, age 14
9. "Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." - Joel, age 12
10. "When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone." - Alyesha, age 13
11. "Never try to baptize a cat." - Laura, age 13
12. "Never spit when on a roller coaster." - Scott, age 11
13. "Never do pranks at a police station." - Sam, age 10
14. "Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." - Rob, age 10
15. "Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do." - Hank, age 12
16. "Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand." - Molly, age 11
17. "Listen to your brain. It has lots of information." - Chelsey, age 7
18. "Stay away from prunes." - Randy, age 9
19. "Never dare your little brother to paint the family car." - Phillip, age 13
20. "Forget the cake, go for the icing." - Cynthia, age 8
21. "Remember the two places you are always welcome - church and Grandma's house." - Joanne, age 1
22. "When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents." - Matthew, age 12