Waxed Floor

When to visit my friend the other day
He told me to make myself at home but stay out of the kitchen, the floor just got waxed and is a little slippery. I look over and see his two dogs running and falling over on the kitchen floor so I ask what is up with those two. He looks over and says with a smile.
"Them bitches be trippin"

Marriage Quotes 10

• I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin
• I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope. -- Tynan
• I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got.
• I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.
• I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about 'short' and 'cheap'? -- Phyllis Diller
• I've been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years.
• If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
• If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. -- Chekhov
• If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children..." - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner

Usual Suspects

Three baseball fans walk out of a bar. They turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush. They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked. They call the police and as they wait, they decide to cover the woman up.
The Cubs fan takes of his hat and covers her left breast. The Reds fan takes off his hat and covers her right breast. The Yankees fan takes off his hat and covers her crotch.
The police arrive. The detective walks around the scene and writes in his little book. He lifts the Cubs hat, looks underneath, sets it back down and writes in his little book. He lifts the Reds hat, looks underneath, sets it back down and writes in his little book. He the lifts the Yankees hat, looks underneath, starts to set it back down, stops, does a double-take, sets the hat back down slowly and starts to write in the little book.
The Yankees fan is upset by this. He asks, "What was that? Haven't you seen one of those before?" The detective replies, "You misunderstand. Normally when I look under a Yankees hat, I see an asshole."