Vampire Request

Q: What happened when the vampire went to the blood bank?
A: He asked to make a withdrawal!

Signs It's a Bad Day

1. You wake up face down on the pavement. 
2. You jump out of bed in the morning and miss the floor.
3. You turn on the morning news, and they're showing emergency routes out of your city.
4. Your bar of Ivory soap sinks.
5. You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
6. The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
7. Your horn gets stuck when you're following a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
8. You get to work and there's a 60 Minutes news team waiting in your outer office.
9. Your four-year-old wakes you up with the news that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.

Toilet Brushes

While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes. "Wow! What a great idea," he thinks to himself and buys three of them. Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.