Airplane Propellers

Propellers on small planes are actually used to keep the pilot cool.
When it stops spinning, you can see the pilot start to sweat.

Bad Day?

When you're having a bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, just remember: it takes 42 muscles to frown, and only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent sniper rifle.

Steven Wright Quotes

Steven Wright Standup

• The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree. I had a dream that all the victims of The Pill came back... Boy, were they mad!
• The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
• I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit.
• It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
• I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading. So, I got some flip-up contact lenses.
• Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
• I filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify," I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?