Happy Baby

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Brad exclaims. "All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy." "He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''

Paying Attention

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Condoms and Coffins

Q: What's the difference between condoms and coffins?
A: They both hold something stiff but one's coming and one's going!