Buckeyes vs Wolverines!

In the Ohio State Buckeyes locker room in Columbus, there's a sign stating, "Play like champions today!"
There's also one in the Michigan Wolverines locker room that says, "Don't forget your HELMET!"

New Password

I changed my password to "incorrect" 
Now when I type it wrong my computer will tell me "your password is incorrect"

Library Visit

I went to a library and asked for a book on suicide.
The librarian replied "Fuck off! You won't bring it back!"