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Funny Thoughts - Lawyer Jokes
Honesty is the best policy
A very, very rich gentleman dies, leaving his fortune to his only living friends, a Doctor, a CEO, and a Lawyer. But being the eccentric he was, his will stipulated that each one must place their third of the money in his coffin before he is put in his final resting place. The funeral comes and goes. Over a year later the three friends are talking over lunch and the topic of the old man and his strange ways comes into the conversation. The Doctor finally says "I have to be honest, I didn't place ALL of the money into his coffin, I kept five million". Then the CEO states "Well, I have to admit that I too kept some of the cash. Ten million to be exact". The Lawyer glares at the two and says, "I am ashamed of you two, I wrote a check for the full amount!"
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Excess Billing Hours
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"
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Lawyer and Mexican
A lawyer and a Mexican live next to each other in the most cookie-cutter neighborhood you can imagine. One day, they're both mowing the front lawn. The Mexican says, "You know, my house is worth more than yours."
The lawyer is confused. He responds, "How? Our houses are identical. Did you renovate the interior?" "No." "Did you modernize the kitchen or the bathroom?" "I didn't." "Then how can your house be worth more than mine?" the lawyer cries.
"Well, I live next to a lawyer, and you live next to a Mexican."
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