Ten Inches

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

Uber Pickup

Try telling this joke the next time you're trying to pick up a girl.
Three flies are stuck in a jar. Two female flies and one male fly. For some reason the female flies have it in their heads that the male knows how to get out. The first female fly buzzes over the the male and asks him how to get out of the jar.
"Make love to me and I'll tell you."
She's desperate to get out, so she agrees.
"What you need to do is, start flying around the top to get some speed, dive toward the bottom and pull up to the top at the last second and you'll [snap your fingers ] pop right out."
So she does exactly as he says. Right as she pulls up toward the top [smack your hand] SPLAT! She hits the lid and falls down dead.
So the second female fly, because flies are dumb, goes over the the male fly and asks him the same thing, how to get out of the jar.
"Make love to me and I'll tell you."
She too is desperate to get out, so she agrees.
"What you need to do is, start flying around the top to get some speed, dive toward the bottom and pull up to the top at the last second and you'll [*snap] pop right out."
So she also does exactly as he says. Right as she pulls up toward the top [*smack your hand] SPLAT! She hits the lid and falls down dead.
So now this male fly is in a jar with two dead female flies, and he wants out. So he flies around the top to get some speed, dives toward the bottom, pulls up at the last second, and [*snap] pops right out.
You know she's going to ask you how he got out, and you say.......

Only One

Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."