Actual News Headlines

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.
March Planned For Next August.
Blind Bishop Appointed To See.
Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip.
L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide.
Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through.
Latin Course To Be Canceled--No Interest Among Students, Et Al.
Diaper Market Bottoms Out.
Croupiers On Strike--Management: "No Big Deal"
Stadium Air Conditioning Fails--Fans Protest.

Headline In The Paper

Headline: A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are looking into it.

Japanese Banks

According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of letting up. If anything, it's getting worse.  Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale, and it is (you guessed it!) going for a song.  Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived, and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.