Austrian Hotel

Sign in an Austrian hotel catering to mountain climbers: "Not to perambulate the corridors during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."

Cafeteria Sign

Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." (Then, in pencil beneath the sign): "Socks can eat anyplace they want."

Real Headlines

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.
Include your Children when Baking Cookies.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says.
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers.
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted.
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case.
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents.
Farmer Bill Dies in House.
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms.
Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?