Clinton Soup

One of the nation's largest soup manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with their newest Soup creation, "Clinton Soup", that will honor one of the nation's most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a small weenie in hot water!

Airline Food?!

Tower: "Delta 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"
Delta 702: "Tower, Delta 702 switching to Departure ... by the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Southwest 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7 ... did you copy the report from Delta?"
Southwest 635: "Southwest 635, cleared for takeoff ... and yes, we copied Delta and we've already notified our caterers."

Wise Cooking Advice

This weekend, I discovered a cooking tip I haven't seen listed in any cookbooks. While you are preparing the food, and after the guests have arrived, you contrive to fill the house up with smoke, preferably enough to get at least two smoke detectors going. Then you go rushing about the house, opening all the windows, setting up fans, and generally doing everything short of calling the fire department. Let the guests sit for about 1/2 hour at 50 degrees (as a result of opening the windows) and serve the food. By this point, you have established expectations in your guests' minds that you can't fail to exceed!