Onion Balls

While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man's balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decides to replace the missing ball with an onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup."How's your sex life?" the doctor asked.  "Pretty good," the man said, to the doctor's relief. But then he added, "I've had some strange side effects."  "What's that?", the doctor asked anxiously.  "Well, every time I piss, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hamburger stand, I get a hard-on!"

Dinosaur Booty Call - Herbivore

Just because you're a plant-eater doesn't mean you shouldn't try Tyrannosaurus Sex.

Sans Tomatoes

A lady walks into a grocery store looking for tomatoes and can't seem to find any, so she goes to ask a store clerk.
Lady: Excuse me, could you help me find some tomatoes?
Clerk: Sorry, but we are fresh out.
Lady: You don't understand, I need these tomatoes, could you check in the back for me?
Clerk: I am sure we don't have any, but I will go look.
The clerk goes to the back and comes back.
Clerk: Sorry, there aren't any in the back.
Lady: But you don't understand, I NEED these.
Clerk: Lady, you're just not getting it. Let me explain it to you this way. What do you get when you take the "blue" out of blueberries?
Lady: Berries.
Clerk: Okay, what do you get when you take the 'Straw' out of strawberries?
Lady: Berries.
Clerk: Now what do you get when you take the 'fuck' out of tomatoes?
The lady pauses for a moment...
Lady: There's no fuck in tomatoes!
Clerk: That is what I have been trying to tell you!