Sans Tomatoes

A lady walks into a grocery store looking for tomatoes and can't seem to find any, so she goes to ask a store clerk.
Lady: Excuse me, could you help me find some tomatoes?
Clerk: Sorry, but we are fresh out.
Lady: You don't understand, I need these tomatoes, could you check in the back for me?
Clerk: I am sure we don't have any, but I will go look.
The clerk goes to the back and comes back.
Clerk: Sorry, there aren't any in the back.
Lady: But you don't understand, I NEED these.
Clerk: Lady, you're just not getting it. Let me explain it to you this way. What do you get when you take the "blue" out of blueberries?
Lady: Berries.
Clerk: Okay, what do you get when you take the 'Straw' out of strawberries?
Lady: Berries.
Clerk: Now what do you get when you take the 'fuck' out of tomatoes?
The lady pauses for a moment...
Lady: There's no fuck in tomatoes!
Clerk: That is what I have been trying to tell you!

Apple Patent

A man had an idea that could make him rich. After it was perfected he brought it to an inventors' help group. When asked what his great invention was, he pulled out an apple. The group looked at it and started laughing. The inventor said, "You don't understand! Taste it." A volunteer tried it and said, "Mmmmmmm, tastes like peaches." The inventor said, "Flip it over." He flipped it over and took another chunk of the apple. "Mmmmmmmm, tastes like grapes." The inventor offered a new apple and the volunteer said, "What does it taste like?"
"Pussy," said the inventor. The guy bit into it, and spit it out with an awful look on his face and shouted, "That tasted like ass!"
The inventor winked and said, "Flip it over."

Vegetarian Conundrum

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?