Replace Your Mom

Two cannibals, a father and son, are walking down the street, when they notice a hot girl passing by. The son says to the father, "Daddy, I'm hungry, let’s eat that girl that just passed by." The father replies, "I've got a better idea son, let’s take this one home and eat your mother instead!"

Bad Cook

My wife is such a bad cook, the flies chipped in to fix the screens.

Elephant In Ice Cream

Q: How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert?
A: You get very lumpy ice cream!