A Vegetarian With Diahrrea

Q: What do you call a vegetarian with diahrrea?
A: A salad shooter.

Caffeine

In Arkansas a man woke from a nineteen-year coma and asked for a Pepsi. "Just a small glass," he said. "Caffeine keeps me up."

A Favor

I know I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly. I haven't had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate and I need your help. You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juices until it's very dry. I am not going to beat around the bush any longer so.. Do you have a piece of gum?