Yo Momma is so Fat..

Your momma is so fat, she was swimming in the ocean and all the whales started singing, "we are family".

Call Out

I was in the supermarket earlier when I saw a kid having a tantrum, laying on the floor kicking and screaming. I asked his mother "Have you slapped him?" She looked insulted and snapped "No I haven't!" "Well why the hell not?" I asked

Eye Repair

A baby is born and after the initial examination, the doctor returns with some news. "Ma'am," says the doctor, " I'm sorry to tell you this but your son was born without any eyelids. But, it is an easy fix." He says, "After we've circumcised him, we can surgically recreate new eyelids with his foreskin."
"Oh dear" says the new mother "but won't that make him cock-eyed?" "Yes," replies the doctor, "but he'll have excellent foresight"