Best Friend

A man comes home early from work and finds his wife and his best friend in bed. The man throws up his hands in disbelief and says, "My God Pete! I more-or-less 'have to', but YOU?"

Marriage

To heck with marrying a girl who makes biscuits like her mother. I want to marry one who makes dough like her father.

Amazon Lover

I'm not saying that my wife orders a lot from Amazon, I'm just saying that if I got a job as a UPS driver they'd probably let me work from home.