Particular Kind of Woman

The bachelor who complained that the women he selected would not remain his friend for more than a few weeks was told, "Your problem is that you are looking for a particular kind of woman. You ought to be looking for the kind of woman who is not particular."

Bad Day Signs

• You wake up on pavement.
• You can't find the clothes you wore home from the party.
• Your twin forgets your birthday.
• You wake up to discover your waterbed broke, and then remember you don't have a waterbed.
• You wake up with your mouth guard stuck, and then remember you don't wear a mouth guard.
• Your blind date turns out to be your ex-husband.
• You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
• Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.

Nothing To Put In It

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?