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Jokes about Families - Brother Jokes
Sibling Stories
From Matt Groening's Big Book Of Hell, here are "Lies My Older Brother And Sister Told Me."
The Sleeping Alligator Story
Older Bro/Sis: See this? He isn't stuffed, ya know. He's sleeping.
You: Really?
Bro/Sis: If you don't believe me, why don't you put your finger in his mouth?
The Boy-Trap Warning
Bro/Sis: Inside my closet, there's a little door, and behind that little door, there's a boogey-man, and he's set traps in there, little boy traps.
You: Really?
Bro/Sis: And they're baited with CUSTARD.
You: Uh-oh.
The Alphabet Trick
Bro/Sis: You can come up in the tree fort if you can recite the whole alphabet. You: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y and Z.
Bro/Sis: Wrong. Scram.
The Yes-And-No Mind Puzzler
Bro/Sis: Yes means no and no means yes. Do you want me to hit you?
You: Yes! No! Yes! No! Help!
The Lure Of New Toys
Bro/Sis: There's some new toys for you down in the basement. You should go down there.
You: But last time you shut the door and turned off the lights.
Bro/Sis: This time we won't.
The Snowflake Story
Bro/Sis: Well I'll be!! Identical snowflakes!!
You: Lemme see!! Lemme see!!
Bro/Sis: Too late. They melted.
The Movie Switcheroo
You: Hey!! This isn't Bambi!!
Bro/Sis: This's better'n Bambi.
The Elf
Bro/Sis: I'd like you to meet
Tom. You: I don't see anybody.
Bro/Sis: Tom's invisible.
You: Oh sure.
Bro/Sis: He's an elf. If you're nice to him, he'll give you three wishes.
You: Hi, Tom.
The family reunion, twenty years later...
Bro/Sis: I don't remember doing any of that stuff to you.
Other Bro/Sis: Me neither.
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Redneck Datin'
While out on a date, two brothers commence to arguing over who gets to kiss their date first. Finally, unable to stand the bickering any longer, their mother replies, "Relax boys, There's enough of me to go around."
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Glad You Prayed
Johnny, a very bright 5 year old, told his daddy he'd like to have a baby brother and, along with his request, offered to do whatever he could to help. His dad, a very bright 35 year old, paused for a moment and then replied, "I'll tell you what, Johnny, if you pray every day for two months for a baby brother, I guarantee that God will give you one!" Johnny responded eagerly to his dad's challenge and went to his bedroom early that night to start praying for a baby brother. He prayed every night for a whole month, but after that time, he began to get skeptical. He checked around the neighborhood and found out that what he thought was going to happen, had never occurred in the history of the neighborhood. You just don't pray for two months and then, whammo- a new baby brother. So, Johnny quit praying. After another month, Johnny's mother went to the hospital. When she came back home, Johnny's parents called him into the bedroom. He cautiously walked into the room, not expecting to find anything, and there was a little bundle lying right next to his mother. His dad pulled back the blanket and there was -- not one baby brother, but two!! His mother had twins! Johnny's dad looked down at him and said, "Now aren't you glad you prayed?" Johnny hesitated a little and then looked up at his dad and said, "Yes, but aren't you glad I quit when I did?"
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