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Ethnic / Country Jokes - Scottish Jokes
Scottish Bar Robbery
A Scottish man heads for home after spending the whole night in a bar drinking. He was carrying his little Scotch bottle in the left shirt pocket just in case. Suddenly, a robber appears and threatens him with a gun. The Scot gets scared, and the attacker shoots, aiming towards his heart, and then runs away.
The Scot falls down, puts his hand on his left pocket and feels something wet. He cries, ''Oh my God! I hope it's blood!''
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Highlander With Four Sheep
Q: What do you call a Highlander with four sheep?
A: A pimp
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Wee Jordan
One day wee Jordan was out walking with his lass in the fields of Scotland. While walking through the heather the lass says; "ah wee Jordan I can tell you want to hold my hand!" Wee Jordan says "aye lass that I do, but how can you tell?" "Well" she says "I can tell by the gleam in your eye." Walking along a bit further she says to him "wee Jordan I can tell you want to give me a kiss". "Well, aye lass that I do, but how can you tell?" "Ah wee Jordan, i can tell by the gleam in your eye!" Walking along a bit further she says "Wee Jordan I can tell you want to make love to me." He says, "Aye lass that I do! you can tell by the gleam in my eye!" "No!" she says... "by the tilt in your kilt!"
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