Scott in Canada

This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall...
He asks the bartender, "What the fuck is that?"
The bartender replies, "It's a moose."
The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"

Putin Economy

Q: What's Vladimir Putin’s goal for the new Russian economy?
A: Make people rich and happy! A list of people to become rich and happy is attached.

Scottish Parrot

Q: What do you call a Scottish parrot?
A: A Macaw!