Penny Thoughts

A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lass said, "A penny for your thoughts."
The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss."
So she did so. But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass to ask him, "What arre ye thinkin' now?"
To which the lad replied: "Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"

Scott in Canada

This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall...
He asks the bartender, "What the fuck is that?"
The bartender replies, "It's a moose."
The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"

Putin Economy

Q: What's Vladimir Putin’s goal for the new Russian economy?
A: Make people rich and happy! A list of people to become rich and happy is attached.