Missionary's Lessons

A missionary has spent years teaching agriculture and "civilization" to some people in a distant land. One day, he wants to start teaching them English. So he takes the leader and points at a tree. "Tree." "Tree." He points to a rock. "Rock." "Rock." All of a sudden, they come upon two people having sex in the bushes. Embarrassed, the missionary blurts out that they are "riding a bike." Then the leader pulls out his blow gun and shoots the two people. "What!" yells the missionary. "I've spent all this time civilizing you, and you turn around and do this!" "My bike!"

Russian Pretzel

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian in a wrestling meet. They were nervous because he had a famous move called "The Russian Pretzel," which often landed his opponents in the hospital. When the first American caught a glimpse of him, he said, "Coach, he's HUGE. I'm scared." The coach replied, "You da MAN! Just go in there and tear him up!" The guy started the match quite confidently, but after about a minute, the Russian picked him up, slammed him into the famous pretzel, and sent him to the emergency room. The same thing happened to the second wrestler, so the third guy was petrified. He told his coach he was backing out. The coach said, "C'mon, son. You're our last chance!" The kid started out pretty well, but when the Russian started to twist him into the pretzel, the coach covered his eyes. When he opened them, he saw the referee holding the American's hand up in victory. The coach, baffled, asked the kid how he did it. "Well Coach, when that damn Russian picked me up and started twisting my body, it HURT! So when I saw two red things dangling there, I bit them... HARD! You'd be surprised what you can do when you bite your own balls!"

Greek Wedding

Q: Why do they have Feta cheese at a Greek wedding?
A: To keep the flies off the bride!