A Drink In A Chinese Restaurant

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the    maître d  that there will be at least a twenty minute wait. "Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says. The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist." The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . "

Russian Persuasion

An international archaeological expedition unearths an Egyptian mummy. They've never seen a mummy like it, and are totally confused.
The Americans X-ray the mummy and all it's artifacts. They analyze all the materials down to their atoms, but come back empty handed.
The French have a go. Their best historians and linguists examine the hieroglyphics and scrolls. After months of effort, they too come back empty handed.
The KGB attaché accompanying the Russians wants to have a go. Everyone else agrees, as they've all run out of ideas.
They take the mummy. 10 minutes later, they're back. "He's Akemtomph the Fifth, from the house of Isigord. He ruled from 575 BC to 549 BC."
"How did you get this information?" Everyone else asks in astonishment.
"He confessed."

Siamese Twins in England

Q: Why did the Siamese twins move to England?
A: So the other one could drive.