German Birth Control

Q: What do Germans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities!

German Windbreaker

Q: What do you call "fart" in German?
A: Farfrompoopin!

The Broken Clock

Mike's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Mike, "Vat sims to be ze problem?" Mike says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go "tick-tock-tick-tock" anymore. Now it just goes "tick...tick...tick." The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face. Then he says in a menacing voice...Ve haf vays of making you tock!"