When God Created Canada

On the sixth day God turned to the angel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes bountiful with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon." God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"No, not really," God replied. "Just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them!"

Tolerance

Jiggs McDonald, NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster speaking in Ontario, says: "I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto. I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance."
"That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy," and the other, a topless bar, would be called "You Mecca Me Hot."
"Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called “Iraq of Ribs." “Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret," with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods", and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered."
"All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us.”
Yes we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on. And if you are not laughing or smiling at this point...It is either past your bedtime, or its midnight at the oasis and time to put your camel to bed.

Made in Canada

President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried, "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "Bill, da Canadian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'help you," replied the Prime Minister. "I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tie us over?" "Certainment! I get right on it!" said Chretien. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Clinton. "Oui?" "Could the condoms be red, white & blue in color, at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Clinton. "No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up and called the President of Trojan Condoms. "I need a favor, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send 'dem to Hamerica." "Consider it done," said the President of Trojan. "Great! Now listen, dey hab to be bleu, blanc et rouge in colour; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter."" Easily done. Anything else?" "Yah," said the Prime Minister, "an' print 'MADE IN CANADA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."