Only In America

• A pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
• There are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
• Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front.
• Banks leave both vault doors open, but pens are chained to the counters.
• Expensive cars sit in the driveways and useless junk fills garages.
• People use voice mail to screen calls and call waiting to catch every call they might miss.
• Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering.

Irish Starch

Q: How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish man?
A: None.

African Tribe Throne

There was a tribe in Africa which was very fierce and warring... they would battle all the tribes in the area, and they always won. As a victory trophy, they would take the throne of the chief of the defeated tribe and carry it home, chanting victory chants and singing the whole way. When they got home, they would put the throne in the attic of the grass hut. This went on for quite some time, and soon the throne collection grew, adding to the prestige of the tribe. One day, they battled a tribe of fairly large people, some might call them giants. They won, and they struggled to get the throne home... but the chanting and joyousness prevailed as usual. When they got home, they had the ritual of putting the throne in the attic of the grass hut, but the weight was too much. The ceiling collapsed, killing everyone on the tribe. The moral: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.