Polack With Chainsaw

A Polack is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day." So the Polack takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?", the Polack asks himself.  "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day", the Polack tells himself. So, the next morning the Polack gets up at 4 in the morning and cuts, and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and he only manages to cut five cords. The Polack is convinced this is a bad saw.  "The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem.  I will take this saw back to the dealer", the Polack says to himself. The very next day the Polack brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the Polack's claim, removes the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says, "Huh, it looks fine." Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which the Polack responds, "What's that noise?"

Reasons to Live on Prince Edward Island

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big-ass bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You were probably once an extra on ''Road to Avonlea.''
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from.
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV shows.
6. Tourists arrive, see the ''Anne of Green Gables'' house, then promptly leave.
7. You can drive across the the province in two minutes.
8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates.
9. You don't share a border with the Americans, or with anyone for that matter.
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.

Chinese Subtitles

A list of English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong.

• "I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way."
• "Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep."
• "Gun wounds again?"
• "Same old rules: no eyes, no groin."
• "A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries."
• Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!"
• "Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants."
• "Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?"
• "Quiet or I'll blow your throat up."
• "You always use violence. I should have ordered glutinous rice chicken."
• "I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!"
• "You daring lousy guy."
• "Beat him out of recognizable shape!"
• "I have been scared shitless too much lately."
• "I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!"
• "Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected."
• "How can you use my intestines as a gift?"
• "The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?"