Paddy and Mick and the Three Grenades

Paddy & Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a police station. Mick asks, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy replies, "Then we'll lie and say we only found two!"

One Way to Learn English

Mullah Nasrudin, wisest man in Islam, entered England for a visit. "Do you have anything to declare?" asked the customs inspector. "No -- sssssst, bzzz - nothing at all." "How long do you plan to stay?" "Oh, about -- ssssssssszzzzt, bzzz -- about three weeks." "By the way, where did you learn English?" "From the -- bzzz, bzzz, sszzzzzzzzbzzz -- radio."

Paddy and the Cop

Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.   A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says "For gods sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"