Make Me A Newfie

An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie (ie. a Newfoundlander). He went to a neurosurgeon and asked "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?" "Sure, it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie." The Ontarian was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the surgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting out 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him - "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain. "The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"

Iraqi Military

Q: What are the Iraqi military rules of engagement?
A: If it doesn't move, hide behind it. If it does move, surrender to it.
Iraqi Military Motto: I came I saw I took my American truck and drove home. 

Communism

Capitalism, Socialism, and Communism have a meeting for tea at noon. Capitalism and Communism arrive on time, but Socialism is nowhere to be found. Finally he arrives, out of breath and apologetic. "I'm sorry,"  says Socialism, "I was standing in line for sausage." Capitalism says  "What's a line?" And Communism says  "What's a sausage?"