Meaner Than a Pitbull

Q:  What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes?
A: The guy who gave it to him.

Cheap Hooker

A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

G.A.S.H.

A man returns from a trip to Amsterdam and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a series of tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital and the phone by his bed rings. "This is your doctor," says the voice on the phone. "We have the results back from your tests, and I'm sorry, you have an extremely contagious and deadly sexually transmitted disease known as G.A.S.H. "G.A.S.H?" replies the patient. "What the hell is that?" "It's a combination of gonorrhea, AIDS, syphilis, and herpes," explains the doctor. "My gosh, Doc!" screams the man in a panic, "what are we going to do?" "Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizza, pancakes and pita bread," says the doctor matter-of-factly. "Will that cure me?" "Well no," says the doctor, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."