Public Speaking

Recently our speaker had to discontinue several of his long talks on account of his throat. Several people threatened to cut it. You have heard it said before that this speaker needs no introduction. Well, I have heard him and he needs all the introduction he can get. Our speaker needs no introduction. What he needs is a conclusion. Our speaker will not bore you with a long speech...he can do it with a short one. You've been a wonderful audience... you stayed.

Light Bulb - Multiple Personality

Q: How many people with multiple personality disorder does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but they're really three.

Constipated President Bush

President George W. Bush is hit by a strong case of constipation. He sends his Spanish secretary, who knows little English, to the local hospital. She tells the doctor, "Big President Bush, no shit."
The doctor understands and gives him some medicine to take with him. The next day, the secretary comes back again and says, "Big President, no shit." The doctor gives him even stronger medicine. A few days later, the secretary comes yet again and says, "Big President, big no shit." The doctor gives him the strongest medicine he has. The next day, the secretary comes back to the doctor and says, "Ba-Boom! Big shit, no President."